#48 I’m a Slave 4 U & God’s Waiting Room
Letting go of your timeline and leaning into Jesus' final words of wisdom
I’m sitting at the pool in my little red bikini with matching long red nails listening to Justin Bieber’s new album that has me in a chokehold. My favorites so far? Devotion, Daisies, Go Baby, Yukon and Swag.
When your lips and fingernails are all mine
I promise to take my time givin' you dеvotion
When something's wrong, you can tell mе 'bout the whole thing
If you call out to me, I'll swing, leave the door open for me
I woke up early for a workout despite having 6 hours of sleep (need to work on an earlier bed time), and I’m generally at peace in my single season, even while I drool over a man loving me like Justin writes to Hailey.
I feel less graspy than I ever have around finding my husband and trust (mostly) that God will hand deliver him in His time. Not only that, but I do not have to find him, because as the scriptures say, it’s “he who finds a wife” not she who finds a husband. He will come to me. Period.
And yet timing is always on my brain.
How could it not?
I’m 34. I’m at the age where society says you’re supposed to be married with 2 kids and a dog. Y’all, I don’t even have a gold fish! I spent much of my twenties deceived by the feminist agenda pursuing the girl boss era. I know, I know — feminism sounds like it’s just about equality and the right to vote, and that part? I’m all for it. But if you look into the roots of feminism, especially voices like Margaret Sanger, there’s a darker undercurrent, one that devalued motherhood and femininity in ways we’re still unpacking today. If that subject intrigues you, head to this sermon “Can You Be A Christian Feminist?”
But, I digress.
I’m not a spring chicken. Unlike my ancestors, I had options — and I chose to build a business, get divorced, and avoid babies because, quite frankly, I was too selfish. That kind of love is sacrificial. Actually, I’ve come to learn love is sacrifice — but that’s a whole piece on its own.
The thing is, I was confusing free will with feeling free. My options as a “liberated” woman might have given me free will, but in truth, I wasn’t free.
I was a slave to my romantic relationships while simultaneously trying to play Dom in how I controlled my love and sex life. The Bible tells us we will always be a slave to something and hey, even Britney Spears had us rallying behind being one for our lovers. And oh man, does that song still vibe!
We seem to have a natural kink for worship and obedience and dare I say, it’s part of our God-fearing nature to bind ourselves to another. But that other was always supposed to be God.
And yet like many of you, I’ve found myself bowing down to a relationship, feeling chained to a man who in the end kicked me to the curb. Who disassociated so fast from our relationship that my head spun and the chains how they tightened. The avoidant-anxious pattern had me in a chokehold that I willingly gasped for air in. “Tighter,” I said between sobbing.
And the one thing my ex would always say, “Our timelines just don’t add up.”
“But isn’t your timeline supposed to change for your person? And isn’t it about God’s timing? So, who cares about YOUR effing timeline! You’re just afraid.” Or at least that was always my rebuttal. And to an extent, I was right, but even then I was trying to control the when.
I’ve been an idolatrous slave to relationships and taken the timing of my love life into my own hands more times than I can count, only to have Jesus slowly and painfully teach me the art of true freedom and yes, timing.
God’s timing.
So if we aren’t the grand master of timing, then where does our power lie?
As I sat in church the other day, I found myself going down a rabbit hole.
I was trying my best to listen to what Pastor was saying, but I got fixated on one piece of what he said instead. Because when God wants you to get something, He speaks just a little louder than normal in your head. He makes something jump out that demands more attention. So, I took some notes to come back to later. And later I did.
I sat the next morning and wrote down a couple translations of the same verse that seemed to have a magnifier over it.
For context, the below verse is from the book of Acts after Jesus has died, resurrected, and hung out with the disciples for 40 days to continue his teachings and explain to them what happens next and their purpose in building his kingdom. This was in response to them asking, “So when you coming back Jesus?”
Then they gathered around him and asked him, “Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?”
He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
After he said this, he was taken up before their very eyes, and a cloud hid him from their sight.
The MSG version says it like this: “He told them, “You don’t get to know the time. Timing is the Father’s business. What you’ll get is the Holy Spirit.”
These were the final words of Jesus on this earth.
In his last moments with the disciples, of ALL the things he could have said, Jesus chose to encourage them to WAIT on his timing and hold faith in his promise. That’s it. And that’s everything.
Whatever version you read, it’s clear that God the Father, holds all sovereign power and control over WHEN. Aka, timing is NOT our business. And yet this is the question we perhaps flail around with the most, is it not?
When will I get married?
When will I meet my husband?
When will I get pregnant?
When will I get that promotion?
When will they call me back?
We live in a constant fixation on future whens in a futile effort to control.
And sure you could argue, well Jesus was just talking about end times Alyssa, but was he? Walking by Faith not by sight is a hallmark of following Jesus, so being privy to the timing of things isn’t exactly God’s forte.
But if it’s not our authority to know when. Then what is our authority?
Great question and Jesus answers that as well! You can read it plain as day in the MSG translation when he responds to their question: “What you’ll get is the Holy Spirit. And when the Holy Spirit comes on you, you will be able to be my witnesses.”
In essence, Jesus told them — and all of us who follow Him — that our authority would come from the Holy Spirit within us, given to us. In that way, our power has one and only source, God. Not us, not a crystal, not the earth itself.
God.
Everything bows to Him.
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father. - Philippians 2: 9-11
This is why saying you’re manifesting something isn’t the same as prayer and why manifestation is inherently self-centered and demonic (against the Gospel). It purports that your power is self-sourced or “one” with the universe. Close but no cigar. Prayer is understanding that power, authority and control comes from God the Creator — which leaves us as a part of creation. Separate in authority, not love. That though we are made in His image and can ask, we should not manipulate the spiritual realm because if you aren’t talking to Yahweh, then who are you talking to?
Not to mention manifestation inherently puts you in the thought frame of controlling not only the outcome but the when you would prefer. Think about it, New Age manifestation rituals also happen around specific times, such as new moons.
Point blank, as a believer, your authority has nothing to do with knowing WHEN but who. Your authority comes from listening to the Holy Spirit within you and doing what he says in loving obedience to share the Gospel, love others, and share your personal stories of life with Jesus.
Though we would love to have a say in when or at least be dialed in to an ETA, it’s not our business. And when we try to make it our business instead of God’s, we screw it up. Anyone else got a testimony on trying to take something into your own hands only to have it back fire? Lol
Case in point, I just moved out of Charleston (for the time being), two hours away, and a lovely man I parted ways with seven months back reached out a week later. I’m not going to say much more for now, but Lord you know I don’t understand this timing!
So today, I’m learning to trade my questions about when for the power of with. With the Spirit. With trust. With Jesus. I’m doing my best to stay open-handed and trust God’s calendar, just as I was when December guy walked away…until now.
And that sweet reader, is a to be continued…
Reflections
This is where I turn the pen over to you.
What promise have you heard from God and how has it been tested?
What timeline have you been clinging to that God hasn’t confirmed — and how is it affecting your peace? (Be honest. What expectation feels heavy? What would it feel like to release it?)
If you’re in God’s Waiting Room right now, how are you spending your time there? (Are you pacing, complaining, scrolling, striving — or are you praying, preparing, worshipping, and listening? What would it look like to wait well?)
Is there an area of your life that you’re delaying your blessing because you’re trying to do things according to a timeline you made up in your head?
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