#45 I'm the problem, it's me
Got an abandonment wound? Anxious attacher? We can't always blame the avoidant. Here’s the reason I felt the need to apologize to N & what I actually said.
It’s October, the month N and I became boyfriend and girlfriend a year ago, and I’m only just now understanding MY part in our breakup.
“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me.”
Okay, maybe not the whole problem, but before I had this deep self-reflective moment, I realized I had been placing a lot of the breakup pain on my ex who falls into more of the avoidant camp.
Can you relate?
But, for those of us more anxious attachers, and who in my market research are more likely to be Swifties, where’s our fault in the breakdown?
Can we honestly own it?
I was shocked that when I told people I wanted to apologize to N I was met with, “But why?” As if I couldn’t possibly have anything to feel sorry about. As if it doesn’t take two to tango. The question honestly confused me. Even if there were shitty things he said and did, it doesn’t negate where I could have done better.
As I wrote out an apology letter to N, I realized I could no longer hide behind my pointed finger of blame, so this is me outing myself.
And maybe you too.
Honestly, this one kinda blew my mind, and despite the fact that some of this is not becoming of me, I’m sharing because it may just remove a major block for you AND lay on heaping doses of self-compassion.
